#7 - Smoked Mussels

I love green olives and mussels almost as much as I hate tomatoes, but I just knew there was no way this could be good. They're both such great foods, but I can totally see how they wouldn't hit it off.

I may not have been fair with this one, though. I was really, really determined to hate it. I just couldn't get over the idea of this recipe: Spread tartar sauce on a ricecake, cover with a layer of mussels, a layer of olives, and top with sour cream. WHAT?! This is like a joke meal. It's like that shot you buy people for their nineteenth birthday, with all of that tabasco sauce.

I was going to serve these to my bandmates at today's practice, but I really couldn't bring myself to guilt or trick anyone into eating them. But brave, brave Jill helped me out, without coercion, by breaking off a small piece of my ricecake for herself. She is not a fan either.

I seriously still feel ill just thinking about this meal, but I truly believe that it can't get any worse. I'm not even afraid of marshmallow fluff anymore.

#6 - Microdog

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So I've decided to stop including the recipes in my write-ups from now on. A friend of mine recently discovered a "Remarkable Ricecake Recipes" website and I'm a little nervous about getting into trouble for copyright infringement or something. Back when I assumed the book was no longer in print and that its author had never heard of the internet, it didn't really concern me a great deal.

But please don't fret. I'm pretty sure you'll nonetheless figure out how to make these recipes if you really want to. OR you can purchase the book yourself, from Janet MacNab's website! I'll link to it later on when I'm not in a such a hurry.

Microdogs. I bet I don't have to tell you that these involved slices of hot dog wieners and slices of cheese atop of ricecakes that were then heated in microwave. They were no Brandon's Peanut Butter Snack, I can tell you that much. Maybe the worst recipe yet. I made the mistake of taking a bite after mine had cooled down for a bit. Cold and soggy ricecake. To be fair, Janet MacNab suggested adding condiments and sauerkraut, and I did not.

At least I had some commiseration this time! I had a band practice, and I made The Larry Morgan Fan Club try these. And Andy's visiting mom, too! I don't think they loved them either.

This all went down on Sunday afternoon. I haven't eaten any ricecakes since, but I'm going grocery shopping tonight!

#5 - Brandon's Peanut Butter Snack

1 ricecake
1 tablespoon granola
1 tablespoon peanut butter

Spread peanut butter on ricecake.
Sprinkle on granola and top with a dab of honey.

Kids love it!
Makes one serving.

***

This is the best ricecake recipe ever!!

I wasn't going to make anything this morning, but I uncharacteristically found myself with more than fifteen minutes between the time I get out of bed and the time I have to get on the bus, so - ta da! And it works like a breakfast! Which I hardly ever eat, and which I'm told is the most important meal of the day.

I didn't have any granola, so I crumbled up a granola bar. I figure it's the same thing, right?

There's not much to say about this one. Easy and tasty. NO MICROWAVING! NO VEGIT! And I like all of the ingredients. Win.

Oh, I guess I should warn you about how there's honey in this, which Janet MacNab doesn't mention until later on. I used more than a "dab." Although I suppose a dab can mean however much I want it to mean.

I don't think the picture makes it look very appetizing, but please take my work for it. I'm not the best at food photography.

#4 - Cheese & Tomato Lunch

4-6 ricecakes
4-6 slices of marble cheese
1-2 sliced tomatoes
2-3 shredded romaine lettuce leaves
1/4 cup mayonnaise
1/4 cup sour cream

Spread mayonnaise on each ricecake.
Place shredded lettuce and tomatoes evenly over surface.
Sprinkle with Vegit and top with another slice of cheese.
Heat in microwave for 40-60 seconds on HI or until cheese is bubbling and melting.
Allow to cool, top with a spoonful of sour cream.

Makes 4-6 servings

(P. 10)

***

First of all, I should tell you that I'm really only using the amounts of ingredients suggested by Janet MacNab as a very basic guideline. I mean, so far, I'm just "cooking" for myself. And I know what I like and what I don't like.

I don't like tomatoes. I can't stress that enough. Sauces, salsa, even soup, they're fine, and I even use canned tomatoes in making these things, but a plump, juicy, fresh tomato? I want to throw up.

Last week when I purchased the tomato I intended to use in this recipe it struck me that it was probably the first time I had ever bought one, in my whole entire life. I wanted to get at least one of the tomato recipes out of the way as soon as possible. So you'll have to excuse me for using a pretty small slice (but a slice nonetheless!) and for mostly just eating around it (but taking a bite of it nonetheless!) Of course the tomato taste made its way into the cheese and the lettuce and the should-never-ever-be-microwaved ricecake, but it wasn't the worst experience I have ever had. In fact, the tomato aside, it was pretty okay. I don't think any of these recipes would be too bad if only they weren't microwaved.

Oh! And I should mention - Mrs. Dash isn't very flavourful. I have got to get me some Vegit proper, as I suspect it's called for in about 90% of these recipes.

Another thing: I think the directions here were kind of off, as I was instructed to "top with another slice of cheese" before I was instucted to use the first slice of cheese! Anyway, there was no shortage of cheese on this ricecake.

I didn't eat a single ricecake yesterday, and that was pretty great.

Tomatoes still suck.

#3 - Ham & Cheese Crepette

*Preparing Basic Crepettes

1. Eggs for the crepette have to be prepared one at a time, to do this:
- Break egg into bowl
- Add spices that recipe calls for
- Mix well

2. Take a 7" microwaveable plate and spray with oil. Pour in egg mixture and move around plate to allow egg to spread out as thin as possible.

3. Place plate in microwave and cook egg for approximately 2 minutes on HI turning at least once, or until egg is cooked.

4. Carefully remove egg with spatula and lay on flat surface until needed.

5. To prepare ricecake, place called for ingredients on surface. Fold egg in half, then quarter and place on ricecake.

6. Insert ingredients of recipe into layers of egg topping with whatever recipe calls for (cheese, yogurt, etc.)

(p. 57)

Ham & Cheese

4-6 ricecakes
8-12 slices of cheese
4-6 slices of cooked ham
1/2 cup diced onion

Add a little onion, pepper, and Vegit to egg mixture before cooking.
Place a slice of cheese on each ricecake.
Top with folded egg.
Insert ham, pepper and cheese into each layer.
Top with a slice of cheese.
Heat in microwave for 40-60 seconds on HI or until heated through and cheese is melting.

Makes 4-6 crepettes.

***

So the only differences between this and the meal I made yesterday are that the egg is thinner, here, and the that it uses a lot more cheese, ham, and onions. Oh, and pepper. Not mentioned in the initial list of ingredients are pepper and Vegit (again, Mrs. Dash was substituted).

I enjoyed it more than I thought I would. Mostly because I'd been dreading this meal all day. I kept putting it off. I finished my book (Zadie Smith's White Teeth. Amazing! I can't believe it was written by a 25-year-old! And it made me miss post-colonial lit. with Dr. Macfarlane. I wish I could talk to her about this book!) and I cleaned my apartment while avoiding ricecakes. But my ham and cheese crepette exceeded my incredibly low expectations.

The cooking the egg part was a problem. First of all, I seriously don't understand dimensions or space or anything with even a whiff of mathematics. Seriously, if you want to tell me the dimensions of your new home, go ahead, but my eyes will glaze over and I will never be interested in what you're telling me. I need you to relate to me in a way I'll understand, like "the size of your bedroom on Sarah st.," or "from the beginning of the bar to the washrooms at the Granite." That, I can conceptualize. So for a "7" microwaveable plate" I substituted the only size microwaveable plate I have, and it may well have been far too large.

Maybe because of that, or maybe just because I have historically sucked at omelets (maybe because of that?) the egg concoction didn't exactly stay together when I flipped it. And it fell apart even more when I folded it over.

I don't even know if I folded it properly, the falling-apartness aside, though I tried to follow the directions! It just seemed a bit too towering for one person's mouth. Although, I suspect Janet MacNab anticipated I would be using pre-packaged sandwich meat and processed cheese slices, and I didn't. I used the remainder of my ham from yesterday, and boring old marble cheese. I don't mean old like the good kind from yesterday, just old like usual. But I'm sure it was far thicker than it was meant to be.

You can't tell, because I used trick photography, but I took a bite out of the crepette before I heated it. Ricecakes taste infinitely better before they are heated in a microwave, but, again, it was still okay.

#2 - Ham Omelet

4-6 ricecakes
6-12 slices of cheese
1 tablespoon diced onion
4-6 eggs
3-4 diced mushrooms
1/2 pound sliced cooked ham
1/2 medium size diced green pepper

For best results cook one at a time.
Use small microwaveable bowl. e.g. breakfast bowl.

Lightly oil bowl and break egg into it.
Mix well with desired amount of mushrooms, onion, pepper and Vegit.
Cook in microwave for 50-60 seconds on HI or until egg is cooked through.
On ricecake place cheese, ham, egg and another slice of cheese.
Cook in microwave for another 30-60 seconds on HI or until cheese is melting.

Top with your favourite sauce!
Makes 4-6 servings

***

This was great, but not so much the ricecake part. I'd say most of the greatness responsibility rests on the shoulders of the remainder of my 5-year-old cheddar and the delicious ham steak. Ham is delicious. Who knew? Not me. I was a vegetarian for nearly twenty years until about a year ago, and I hated ham when I was a kid. I was sort of paranoid about cooking it properly. I followed the microwave instructions on the packaging, thinking that using that method of cooking would be in keeping with the spirit of "Remarkable Ricecake Recipes," but then I cooked it on the stove for another five minutes or so, just to be safe.

Anyway, the omelet.

First of all, I discovered too late that the recipe calls for two items that aren't listed in the ingredients: oil and Vegit. I had the oil, but when I got to the "Vegit" part, really, my heart kind of sank. I would have held off on this recipe, but I was already halfway through. Only my second recipe and I'm already being untrue. I used the Mrs. Dash.

Janet MacNab's cooking instructions are kind of strange, here. Although she lists ingredients for making 4-6 servings, she suggests that each serving be cooked individually. And also, she instructs you to use one tablespoon of chopped onions for four to six ricecakes!! I'm sure I used at least a tablespoon for the two eggs I rebeliously cooked together, and placed on top of one ricecake, along with all of that delicious cheese and ham.

I was so eager to taste my creation that I completely forgot about adding my favourite sauces. Fortunately, I still had half of my meal left. Unfortunately, ricecakes shouldn't be reheated I think.

Of all of the sauces in my fridge, I couldn't decide which was favouriter out of Memories of Szechwan Sauce and Hot Buffalo Wing Sauce, both President's Choice brand of course. I frigging love President's Choice. Neither of them were very appropriate, but really, after reheating the ricecake, it was unpalatable anyway.

Today I have learned to read an entire recipe all the way through before I go shopping, and that perhaps it's time to embrace some of those cold recipes. I don't think that microwaves and ricecakes are really meant for one another. I'd consider trying a new brand of ricecake were it not for having 26 of them sitting in my cupboard.

I don't mean to be such a downer. I started this off by saying, "This was great!," didn't I? And I meant it! It's just the reheating that didn't work out so well.

#1 - Instant Grilled Cheese

Instant Grilled Cheese
4-6 ricecakes
8-12 cheese slices

Place 1-2 slices of cheese on each ricecake to cover surface. Heat in microwave for 20-30 seconds on HI or until cheese is bubbling and melting.

To heat four at a time: 90-110 seconds on HI.
Cooking time will vary according to the kind of cheese and thickness of cheese used.
For extra flavour sprinkle with your favourite spices.

Makes 4-6 servings

(from Janet MacNab's Remarkable Ricecake Recipes, p. 14, published in Bedford, Nova Scotia)

***

I was feeling so ambitious a couple of days ago, and I bought all kinds of ingredients. Including marshmallow fluff. I was going to make something that required a lot more work to make and a lot more courage to eat, but, actually, I feel like it's New Year's Day.

Despite not having had a thing to drink last night, I still feel like I have a wicked hangover. I woke up in a barn in Antigonish County after staying up until about 5 am. It was a great party. One coffee, one advil, and one 2 1/2 hour drive later, I am ready to go back to bed, and not at all interested in aquainting myself with marshmallow fluff. "Instant Grilled Cheese" is not actually the easiest recipe in the book, but it is certainly one of them.

I only made one ricecake, for me, and I actually heated it for 35 seconds instead of the 20-30 seconds suggested by Janet MacNab. I bought some fancy cheese before Christmas , and for this I used President's Choice brand 5 year-old cheddar. I didn't add my favourite spices, but perhaps I will when I try this again later on this evening, as I've just realised that I completely forgot to take a picture!

It was not very good. Frankly, a waste of very good cheese. The ricecake seemed kind of soggy. Maybe they shouldn't be heated? Maybe it was the brand? Maybe I don't like ricecakes? It has been a long time since I've had a ricecake that wasn't of the fancy, flavoured variety.

But I am not giving up hope! There are over a hundred recipes in this book, and I'm certain ricecakes will redeem themselves.

Happy New Year!